Vivienne Morel

{PRIVATE}
Alfred Hitchcock knew about tension, knew that the most important thing was reliving it the right way. He learned that with one of his British films, Sabotage, where instead of saving the boy and the puppy from the bomb, he lets it kill them and everyone else riding on the bus. Sure, you were relieved that the clock in the corner had stopped and the Underground was intact, but there was still that tension in the back of your neck. Tension without relief is hell.

I feel the same way when I remember that Andi can't move.

It's hanging over us like that fucked up little black cloud in those anti-depressant advertisements. We talk about it, though really all we do is tell each other she's gonna be fine and we'll be a happy but strange family when the baby finally comes. Usually that's enough to make me feel better, but sometimes there's that little whisper of doubt in the back of my mind. What if she doesn't get better? What if she has this baby and won't be able to feel her in her arms? How are we supposed to cope with that?
{/PRIVATE}

Getting so close to the end so we all know what that means: gift basket time! Everybody, cast and crew, is getting one of these.

Andi and the baby are doing well, she'll probably post an update when she's feeling up to it so I'll let her explain the details. Thanks for all the kind thoughts and gifts, and thanks to all of you who were able to visit her, it means a lot.

God, I need a drink

Andi's birthday is in two weeks and I want to do something really special since it's her first birthday as a married woman and the pregnancy has been rough for her. Regardless of whatever I can come up with (and I might need your help with that Pat and Charlie) there has to be a very special party and you all have to come on pain of me making your lives miserable.

BRIAN SANDERS IS A MASSIVE MISERABLE FUCKING CUNT

Yay, the Russian arm rig arrived. Is there a chance we could work in a car chase so we can play with it, my sweet and wonderful writing team?

{Private}

I keep having the same dream. Andi can walk again, looks just the way she did when we first met, and for a while things are perfect. Just her and I spending time together on the beach or in a park, sometimes even strolling along the Champs-Élysées. But in the end she always dies. I wake up and I cling to her while she sleeps, but it still feels like I might lose her at any minute.

{End Private}

Public service announcement: If your significant other is pregnant and wants to spoon at night make sure you're the big spoon. You will feel the baby kicking and it will wake you up every time you get close to sleep. It's wonderful and magical to feel the baby, of course, but it will keep you up.

( New Message from la Réalisatrice )

Interns, let me remind you that I do your reviews personally. It would be in your best interests not to continue to tweet about conversations I have with that fucking asshole bastard the cast without my permission. Even if this isn't about the plot we want to keep the possibility of leaking spoilers to a minimum.

If there's one thing I've learned about myself through Andi's pregnancy: This hyper-cautious and caring side of me is really boring. I'm sorry, sweetheart, I might have to go get something tattooed, dyed or pierced. I still won't go skydiving.

For obvious reasons I'm probably going to need to lighten my load as much as I can in the coming months. So with permission and the promise of some pretty heavy oversight on my part, I'm willing to hand over the directorial reins, at least partially, for a few episodes. Our producer suggested Michael and Brian but I didn't want to throw it on you two if you weren't interested. I also wanted to open it up to others in case anyone else is looking for a chance to try their hand. So if anyone feels up for it, let me know.

( I have a beautiful wife )

Agreed.

That is all.

Andi and I have been laughing at this for longer than we should have, but it's so true. And probably why I hate having to cast while in LA.

( Lookie what I ordered today! )

Andi is the most wonderful woman in the world because she is tolerating the little fits I've been having this evening. A friend of mine in LA sent me a little write up on some of the things that Michele Bachmann has been saying and I've been foaming at the mouth since then. Here's what's up:

The highlight of the evening came when a high school student in attendance raised her hand and asked Bachmann what she would do to support and protect the gay community.

Bachmann responded that all Americans should and do have the same rights, which drew a smattering of applause. The student responded: "Well, why can't same-sex couples get married?" Bachmann responded that gay men and lesbians do in fact have the same rights as everyone else because they can marry members of the opposite sex. So, a gay man could marry a woman. And a lesbian woman could marry a man. Even though they are gay. Got that?

The video of this little exchange is here.

All I can say is that I, a woman, love my wife, also a woman. I'm now going to go make sweet, sweet, hot, lesbian love to my wife because she deserves some lovin' since I've been such a pill and I don't care if that makes anyone uncomfortable.

I want to touch my wife's breasts. Is that too much to ask? One of the few places she can actually feel me and pregnancy physiology had to go and fuck with it. It's so lucky Andi can't get a hold of it, there wouldn't be anything left... qù chī dà biàn

Well, it looks like I'm going to be interviewed by Movie Maker again. I allowed the studio to re-release my better known films on Blu-Ray back when we found out Andi was pregnant because even I know it was perfect timing. I guess the magazine is planning for a slow news day because they're sending out one of their junior reporters to catch up with me and ferret out any unhappiness in my personal life while pretending to do another piece on 'what do directors think about Blu-Ray. So anybody wanna play distract Lois Lane? There's no money in it but I might let you do something fun in the background of one of my wide shots.

I called my dad today and told him about the baby since I know he won't see any of the articles. He acted like I told him I bought a new pair of shoes. I told him to stop being so French. But he was happy in his own way.

I wish Andi's family was as happy and supportive as mine is. I try to be enough for her but she still loves her family no matter how badly they treat her. It's sad how common this sort of thing is.

( Hey, did you know that your, uh... Uh wife, partner, is really cool? )

( New Message from la Réalisatrice )

( 死屁眼 )

( New Message From Viv )